Embracing My Diagnosis: Why I Refuse to Hide My Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD)

Living with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) is a journey filled with twists and turns, but it’s a journey I’ve chosen to navigate with authenticity and courage. In a world where mental health stigma still persists, it’s essential to shed light on conditions like C-PTSD and refuse to let shame dictate our narratives.

First and foremost, embracing my C-PTSD diagnosis is an act of reclaiming ownership over my story. C-PTSD is not a flaw or a sign of weakness; it’s a natural response to prolonged trauma and adversity. By acknowledging my diagnosis, I assert control over my narrative and refuse to be defined solely by my struggles. I am not my C-PTSD, but I am a fighter who refuses to be silenced by societal misconceptions.

Furthermore, openly discussing C-PTSD fosters understanding and empathy. By sharing my experiences, I invite others to walk alongside me in my journey, fostering empathy and dispelling myths surrounding mental health. Through education and awareness, we can break down the barriers of stigma and create a more inclusive, compassionate society.

Moreover, hiding my diagnosis would perpetuate the harmful notion that mental health struggles should be kept hidden. By refusing to conceal my C-PTSD, I challenge the status quo and advocate for a culture of openness and acceptance. I refuse to contribute to a culture that shames individuals for seeking help and denies them the support they deserve.

Additionally, embracing my diagnosis allows me to connect with others who may be silently battling their own demons. By sharing my story, I offer a beacon of hope to those who feel isolated in their struggles. Together, we can build a community of support and resilience, where no one feels alone or ashamed of their mental health journey. This is why I became a public speaker so others will not feel so alone.

In conclusion, refusing to hide my diagnosis of C-PTSD is an act of bravery, empowerment, and solidarity. By speaking out, I reclaim my narrative, foster understanding, challenge stigma, and offer hope to others. My C-PTSD is not a label to be concealed but a testament to my strength and resilience in the face of adversity.

Lessons I have learnt from 2022

If I was asked to look back at 2022 and describe it in one sentence it would be (pardon my french) “What the fuck was that”. This was not an easy year for me, however, this was a year where I learnt a tremendous amount of life lessons.

The life-changing lessons I have learned in 2022, have been ones that will carry me through my whole life and even though some have been hard and challenging. They have been incredibly eye-opening. This year has changed how I see people, my life, my career, my health, my friendships, family and also my relationship with myself. I will not miss 2022, and I could not be happier that we said goodbye to it last night. In a year with repeated plot twists, some outside of my control. I learnt a lot about myself and I thought that I would write 22 life lessons I learnt in 2022, as a blog post.

So without further a do, here are a few of the lessons I learnt in 2022 :

Hard times show you the true character of your friendships – Earlier this year I had a family emergency where I needed my friends, and I needed my support network. I had always been there for my friends, whenever they had needed me. I would go above and beyond at times, going to their houses at 6 am to check if they were ok. Making sure they ate and were safe. I never expected that when I needed my friends and they were aware I was going through a really hard time, for me to feel utterly alone. I learnt friends could break your heart too.

People love you as long as you do things for them; but when hardships come most people will make judgements instead of have real conversations with you because you no longer benefit them.

Perfectionism is a lost cause and embracing my imperfections and authentic self is the best way to live.

Learning & knowing my boundaries is a powerful way to live and if others find those offensive that is not my responsibility.

Know your worth! Don’t ask for it, state it. And never accept anything left – I have always made apologies or felt I was being difficult when ever I asked for things in life. That I was not conforming to the social norms. This year I realised…I shouldn’t be asking or begging for my worth in my friendships, my career and in life. The person I needed to build a relationship with and learn my worth was myself and remember that I am not to accept anything less.  

When people leave your life, many times it’s a blessing in disguise – sometimes they are the people holding you back, or their toxicity is bringing you down.

Exercise has incredible power to bring you out of a funk and benefit your mental health – This year I did not get to work out at the gym as much as I could due to unforeseen circumstances but I kept moving. Running is my salvation – When I run, every step reminds me, that if I could prove everyone who said after my knee surgery that I could not run again wrong, I can do anything. Exercise centres me.

The most judgmental people, tend to be the most insecure.

Everyone has trauma, it is what they do with that trauma that is the game changer. Trauma cannot be an excuse for bad behavior continuously happening. – I am a survivor of multiple incidences of sexual violence. The first occurring when I was 15. Their actions, resulted in me being diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Something I have had to deal with and have been stigmatised against at times, even this past year. While I did not choose this trauma, what I have chosen to do with the trauma is the game changer. I will not allow it to define me, I seek and continue to seek support professionally. I never allow my trauma to be an excuse for my ongoing behaviour. Yes there may be times where I have been triggered, but I own that. Unfortunately I learnt this year that instead of supporting me during those moments, some of those closest to me judged me, or looked down on me. Instead of showing empathy or wanting to learn how to support me. And that is a reflection on them not me I realise. And that toxicity has no room in my life.

Most people ignore & are passive in their own lives/relationships and love to hear others problems to help them feel better about their own – these people are toxic and they do not want the best for you.

Mental health affects your physical health so self-care for your mind is just as important as your body – this was one of the biggest lessons I had to learn in the second half of this year.

It is ok to say No, and the word No is a powerful word – In any scenario, “no” is an acceptable answer. In fact, the most successful people often say no. They say no to anything that does not align with their goals, enthuse them, or may go against their core values.

Don’t be afraid to say “I am sorry”: If you owe someone an apology, swallow your pride and give them one. Never let your pride end a friendship or a relationship.

If someone tries to put down your accomplishments or make you feel small, cut them out of your life – As you continue to progress, there will be people who—intentionally or unintentionally—try to hold you back. They tell you to come back home. They tell you to be realistic. They laugh at your ambition. These people are boat anchors. Distance yourself from anyone who spends time bringing others down or dismissing their achievements. Eliminate them from your life. Celebrate everyone’s wins and you’ll start winning more.

Life is too short to not do what you want – Not what your parents want for you. Not what you think will make you rich. Do what you want to do and what will make you feel fulfilled at the end of the day. You don’t want to look back on your life 60 years from now and think “damn, I should have done that.”

Communicate – You will get into fights with the people you care most about in life from time to time. It’s only normal that when you spend that much time around someone, combined with being so deeply invested in what is best for them, a fight will occur on occasion. The important thing is talking through the fight and being able to communicate. Take time for yourself and for the other person to both calm down, then talk it out. Oftentimes, the fight happens not because either party had malicious intentions, but because there was a miscommunication

Vulnerability causes other people to open up with their struggles – It’s a gift many of us can give. What holds us back is the fear of judgment. We think we’ll look weak, but actually, vulnerability makes you look strong. This was something I learnt the hard way this year, I was brought up to not show vulnerability and so many people had hurt me and let me down in life I closed myself off to it. This year I learnt that sometimes being vulnerable not only helped me but helped the other person, open up about their struggles, because they felt they had a safe place to speak.

Create and Honour Your Boundaries – Setting boundaries is not just about saying “no” it has become a way for me to show respect for myself and my time.

How people feel about you is not about you. – How people feel about you is not about you. It is entirely about them. Truly knowing this and letting unkind comments roll off your back is one of the best life lessons you’ll ever learn. It takes practice, and learning boundaries, and knowing who you are. And it took me years to get here, but it’s given me a new perspective on my self worth. 

The only person who gets to decide your worth is you- This one has been a hard one to learn but has been one of the most important lessons I have learnt. Your worth, doesn’t come from your bank account or the number of friends you have. It doesn’t come from what someone else says you are worth. It’s called self worth for a reason – it comes from you. It comes from being yourself and being proud of who you are. It comes from being someone that you can count on and someone you love. The numbers will change with time, but what won’t change is who you are deep inside – beautiful, limitless, wonderful, creative, strong, capable – and that is where your worth comes from.

And Finally – “Sometimes you need to take a deep breath – and remember who the F*ck you are”

Here’s to the start of 2023.

xoxo Tara Claire

Things I wish I could tell my younger self.

I was looking through my memory box the other day, this is a box I have, full of memories, mementoes a lot from the different moments of my life.  This box reminds me not only of moments in my life and memories but also of the lessons I have learnt along the way. I wondered if I could go back in time and give younger me, 18-year-old me, 21-year-old me, 25-year-old me advice what would it be, what tips or things would I want to say:

– It is never easy to stand up and speak out for what you believe in, and you learn along the way that sometimes to stand up for what you believe in you will be standing alone. Do it anyway, because you will be amazed at how empowering and essential it is.

– Life is too short not to have fun

– Your virtue of having strong personal integrity is the thing that gets you through some of the toughest days of your life.

– You are allowed to have ambitions and goals, you are allowed to want more for yourself and while those closest to you may tell you different they are wrong.

– Travel as much as you can, especially to distant places. This will add incredible dimension to your life and you will regret in your 30s that you didn’t do this sooner

– Pro-tip as you get older – the hangovers get more brutal (you avoid them at all costs)

– Stop comparing yourself to other women, those women who you go out with who are skinny, are the same ones who one day are jealous of your curves. Stop starving yourself, you being skinny makes you look like a world vision kid. It isn’t worth it.

– Your Friends who make comments about your weight and appearance are not your friends, they need to build themselves up by tearing others down. You will learn this soon enough, unfortunately, the damage of their words does affect you.

– No boy is worth you tearing yourself apart or being in tears at 3 am wondering why you aren’t good enough. Because you are enough just as you are.

– That your trauma has tainted you, that those exes and boys that left you due to being the victim of crime, they are just that boys. You grow from this, you don’t see it yet, but you stop hiding what happened to you, and you become an advocate for mental health, PTSD and a speaker beyond blue. Your story is told by you in businesses and schools throughout the city. You throw a gala. You take your pain and your trauma and you fight back. Your trauma hasn’t tainted you. It’s tested your resilience. You are a warrior, even though you won’t realise it yet.

– That anxiety you have is not a normal reaction, and it takes you a long time to realise that you have to go back to the beginning to rebuild yourself, but you take that time because you’re worth that effort. 

– Boundaries – stop doing shit for people who you know that when you need them they will not be there for you.

– I know in your 20s you never felt good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, or intelligent enough, but I can tell you now. You are your own goddamn glow-up. You are the greatest project you will ever work on. Unfortunately, you grew up always believing that you were not worth anything, that the reasons you believed those things about yourself, and caused that self-doubt is because that’s all you ever knew – you are working on that.

– Hard times will always reveal true friends. I have learnt this again and again and again, even in my 30s.

– When it comes to those, who tell you that you too much….. my advice to you is to tell them “If I am too much, go find less”.

– There’s a line you know from “A Cinderella Story” – “Never let the fear of striking out, stop you from playing the game”. Never forget this line, it’s how you live your life in a lot of ways.

– Do not let anyone close your heart or your romantic side, you are a hopeless romantic, and I assure you you are a lifelong one. Don’t ever stop being that way.

– Let go of the anger, trust me it changes your life, you realise how much better the world is when you let go of the hate. Holding on to it just hurts you in the long run.

– Your going to make a lot of mistakes (like a lot, like a lot a lot) … but I promise you you get through them even the ones you didn’t think it was possible to.

– Don’t change yourself to fit in, its not you, your awesome as your unique self.

– Be kind, you don’t know what others are going through and its ok not to be ok.

And finally my biggest piece of advice to my younger self.. you may fall, hit rock bottom, feel like giving up… but darling oh darling you always find a way to come back stronger. Never forget that.

If you have any advice you would give your younger self absolutely put them in the comments section!

xxx Tara Claire

Why I refuse to pretend that I do not use filters on social media.

Stop living within the confines of how others define you! You weren’t created to live their life; you were created to live yours! 💕 

The photo on the left is a filter free makeup free photo of myself post workout. The photo on the right is from a few months back with full make up, hair straightened and a filter. 

I have been asked in my messages by a couple of people who is the real me? the girl who is sweaty post gym or the girl on the right who is glammed up for dinner with friends. The answer is simple – both. And I say that unapologetically. I am someone who lives in yoga pants, but also will glam up, go out and post on Instagram. I absolutely use filters and lighting for fitness photos, gym photos and I won’t apologise for that. However unlike the majority of people who post I’m not going to pretend I don’t. 

I am perceived as someone who is very confident in themselves. But the reality is I am a work in progress. 

From a very young age (6years old) I have battled severe self esteem issues, due to multiple reasons including severe childhood bullying I never felt I was enough. Even as an adult it was actually the people who were closest were the ones who made the comments and were toxic. The ones who were suppose to be my friends. A lot of the time wanting me to conform to what they expected me to be.  Instead making me feel as though I was never enough, smart enough, pretty enough, skinny enough and the list goes on. It has taken me a long time to get to a place where I even feel confident enough to discuss it. But I am proud of where I am now and the journey I am on. I couldn’t have 12 months ago even done the comparison photo I’ve posted. 

This post is mostly written because I know a lot of people struggle with their self esteem  and societies perception on who they should be. And I want you to know your not alone.

But the most important reason is as the sister of the sassiest 6 year old in Brisbane in the picture below – I want her to learn as she grows up to embrace all that she  is. And own who she is unapologetically. And to teach her that… I need to do it first! 💕 

Healthy does not always equal Skinny

My philosophy and approach to health & body image. Honor your natural frame and learn how to kick ass in the gym when you train!

So there’s a reason I call it a fitness journey and not a weight loss journey. This is because I want to work on both my physical and mental health and I firmly believe that physical health is not a number on the scales. I want to feel good in the skin I am in.

I have a four year old little sister and as she gets older I don’t want her to ever feel like she must conform to a certain size. While I want to look like a snack while being able to eat snacks, I want to do it in a healthy way. The photos above are not the usual transformation photos, the photo of me at my skinniest (many years ago) as an adult Is on the left, and me now is on the right.

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The Left is me at size 8 – The right is me Today

The Left photos:
I cringe when I see any photos of me during that time I was a size 8, I look malnourished, I was unhealthy, severely depressed like that girl in that photo I just want to give her a hug. At 175 cms and with my bone structure, bust and booty, I will never be a size 8, without it looking extremely unhealthy for me its not an option. This was a combination of stress, poor lifestyle, crash dieting. I use to think and was told that I should not have curves, they are gross.

The Right photos:
Compare that to the photo on the right which is me at my current size, Im still in the mist of my fitness journey, and I have my own personalised goals. Thats an entirely different person.

This is not easy for me to be vunerable but with the number of people who follow this account I felt I need to be. Fitness has became huge part of my life, and I love it, it helps me physically mentally and even in my working life.

And while its a slow journey at times, it is because I am building a sustainable life style.

I set my fitness goals and I work towards them. I am learning to accept my curves and to set realistic goals.

So my only advice is, just remember sizes look different on different people, some peoples bodies are different. And above all what I’ve learnt is to stop comparing my journey to others!

Why I believe that asking for help is a show of strength❤️

“Everyone has a story to tell. Everyone is a writer, some are written in the books and some are confined to hearts.” And in that vein, this is my story. I am a 32-year-old educated, company director of a medical administration firm and have designed a sports medicine app. I work in the private hospital sector in administration and have also worked in the mental health industry. In my spare time I write music, work out, including boxing, previously cheer, burlesque, and have tried nearly every activity out there. I am big on spending time with my family as I am one of seven. I have done Rose of Tralee, come runner up in Miss Show Girl sunshine coast, I have a great group of friends, and to the world looking in I have a pretty normal life. I own my own house, I go to work every day, I study, I have a great love of nap time, I go out with my friends, I am a fully functioning member of society, although I have a bit of a caffeine addiction. A little-known fact about me is that I once got up at karaoke at the Victory and sang Baby got back to cheer up a mate going through a break up. However, there’s a part of me the world doesn’t get to know. I also suffer from a mental illness, I have and live with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Depression and Anxiety. And for those who know me this may be a surprise, but unfortunately, I myself, while dealing with my diagnosis every day, have been a victim of bullying, discrimination and stigma. 

I know that people have names for their mental illness, Winston Churchill named his bipolar, the black dog, to me I’ve always just called it the darkness. My inner darkness, where the sun cannot shed light on it, where happiness can’t grow. I’ve been asked when this darkness happened, when I started to feel isolated and alone, I think being bullied as a child and a custody battle between my parents, feeling neglected. I remember lying became second nature in my family so the truth, I didn’t know it. I was told that I was never good enough, pretty enough smart enough and I never felt like I belonged. I would say from six I felt like the Outsider looking in.

The signs and symptoms that I wasn’t coping were there looking back they were there, they were flashback, fear, severe anxiety, mistrust, low mood, flashback, fear, severe anxiety, mistrust, suicidal, insomnia, low self-esteem, anxious, social anxiety, withdrawal, lake of concentration, loss of interest or pleasure in activities, guilt, loneliness, poor body image, worthlessness, ruminating thoughts, self-medicating through excessive alcohol , emotional detachment, intrusive thoughts, withdrawal from others, fatigue, and a general lack of motivation.

At my worse when the darkness was winning, and I had lost the will and strength to keep fighting – Symptoms. Symptoms at my lowest point were suicidal ideations. i hated being touched, self-harm at my lowest i had no will to live as blunt as that sounds. Impact on my life I pushed everyone away. I was completely isolated, I had no social life or relationships. I was self-destructive because I didn’t believe I deserved any happiness in this world. The self-hatred I felt from my bullying and low self-esteem made me believe all the insults that I had been told. I had no friends and was so utterly alone. I felt tainted unlovable. Unfortunately, no one noticed the changes, and any changes noticed were just put down to hormones, see people have their own lives their own drama that it’s not that they don’t care, it’s that they have so much going on in their own world they can’t see that someone else isn’t coping especially if they have put a facade on that they are ok at times.

I remember trying to tell so many people about my symptoms and the fact they were getting worse and that the darkness was winning. I tried to tell my parents, my dorm mistresses, my school, my siblings I was getting depressed and anxious throughout my childhood. even though the signs seemed obvious, my teachers put it down to normal teenage angst and thought I was acting out for attention. Well it was at that stage, as saying I was depressed and I wasn’t coping after such a mess of a childhood and being bullied, and I felt like no one was listening or caring. I was told to suck it up, or that the problem was me by the school. It was around this time that I was assaulted, but this time I didn’t speak up because I feared no one would take me seriously again, I had been failed so many times, after a while you get tired making all those calls for help with no response. Looking back, people can say hindsight is 20/20, should I have spoken up, I was a child, and when I asked for help my attempts to ask were dismissed, it was partly why I didn’t ask for help, because at that time the social stigma was that great. They didn’t notice my mental health deteriorating further and serious suicide attempts taking place. It took me almost losing my life for them to realise this wasn’t for attention and that saddens me. I remember 100 times wanting to ask for help in that period and not being able to because I kept think if no one had cared before, why would they care now. The first serious conversation was with the emergency counsellor in hospital who asked me straight out why I did it, And I remember having the piece of paper as I had no ability to talk and wrote down…”Why didn’t you all let me die?”. And I remember handing the piece of paper to her and her going quiet walking out of the bay I was in and coming back in with red eyes and the pad of paper and asking, “you haven’t been ok for a long time, have you?” I shook my head. She asked me “if this was for attention?” I shook my head. She asked how many attempts I wrote the number down and she said how long have you felt down… I replied, “I don’t remember a day I have ever woken up happy my entire life”. At that point she realised that I had tried to ask for help previously and no one noticed the signs. She told me that I had nothing to lose agreeing to stay in the hospital because if I didn’t she was putting me under a court order but she said to me the words that I will never forget and that was “Please let me help you, no one should ever feel they have no one to turn to, you’re not alone”. I agreed to stay in the hospital, they advised my parents and I commenced treatment. That conversation had been the first time anyone acknowledged that this darkness I felt that lead me to this as being real and the first glimpse that I wasn’t alone.

While I have been in treatment since 15 weekly, between the bullying, the sexual assaults and the court cases I was able to stabilize symptoms but not move forward. But after a few months I felt myself sinking backwards and while away on a holiday and away from my support people, I was at the end of my rope and was ready to give up, but something stopped me from going through with it this time, Something made me want to fight back, something that I cannot explain made me realise that I needed help, and I needed to do it for me.. I emailed my psychiatrist with a sentence that changed everything. the subject was “I want to live”, and the contents was “Can I please be booked in for an urgent appointment, I am ready to commit to getting better”. I returned to Brisbane 5 days later and took a taxi to my psychiatrist’s office and underwent intensive treatment and testing and I was formally diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety and major depressive traits, and having a name to my condition changed my life. It made me realise that what I had had a name, it was not my fault and like a physical condition it was time to commit to treatment and help or it was going to kill me. And that’s what I did, within months my life was different. It was starting to wake up from a nightmare.

Treatment was weekly counselling sessions with my psychiatrist and committing to finding a medication combination that worked for me and my lifestyle. What wasn’t helpful was people judging me or saying they knew what I was going through, or that I should suck it up. What was also important was for me to learn to be myself, and that meant finding out things I liked and things I didn’t. My siblings put it best when it comes to the changes of my life after treatment – They got to meet the real Tara and it changed all our relationships with each other and ultimately brought us closer together. Some of them were also my bullies and they apologised for their behaviour, and began supporting me. I recently asked them what the changes they noticed in me at the time of my recovery. They said that I became dedicated, and motivated about my education, career and my treatment plan. I made great personal and mental growth that year- At my 20th we had 8 guests including family at my 21st we had 70 people. Once I was on the correct medication and found a counsellor that supported my recovery, and I had a diagnosis and started to learn who I was. The darkness began to lift. And over time my medication was decreased with the support and consent of my mental health professional, and I adopted more coping mechanisms that helped me grow into a functioning and responsible adult. One of my friends put it this way, when the darkness was there you could see the pain behind my eyes and I never felt comfortable or confident to speak, but once I started getting better, the Tara that appeared was passionate, caring, funny, someone who stood up for others and believed in moral integrity and believe in the good of humanity. Commitment to Treatment is the reason I’m here today.

Even with mental illness, after recovery it is important to remember that yes life goes on but it is important to watch out for the signs and symptoms that you’re not coping anymore. Because it’s not like the flu, it’s not like a broken bone, it doesn’t just heal and get better for the rest of your life. Because Life happens, and having a mental illness is not something that just goes away, it’s a part of you. It’s about management, not cure.

I am not going to stand up here and say that people didn’t react poorly when they find out I have PTSD, I have had guys break up with me over it, not because of the symptoms, but because of the stigma and their predisposed notion that having post-traumatic stress disorder and depression and anxiety is going mean I am “crazy”.

This took a massive toll on my self-esteem at the time but looking back I realise that they didn’t understand, yes, I have a mental illness, but It’s not all that I am. My family have times where they have struggled to understand how I feel, or where I am coming from but they have been so supportive and they strive to learn and that is so important. I wish I could go back to six-year-old me, or 15-year-old me who was the victim of trauma and tell myself. “I know right now you feel like you’re scared and alone, and that the darkness that engulfs your life feels like it’s never going to end, now I can’t promise you the future will be easy. And I can’t promise you it’s going to be perfect, but I can promise you with help and support. You’re going to get through this, so keep asking for help.

I am a social person, people do not realise there is anything wrong with me unless they have been told. I see my psychiatrist once every few months for medication reviews and checks. I still see my clinical psychologist once every month or so for a top up. I write in a diary on my computer which helps me get out my frustrations, and helps me understand my concerns and make sense of difficult situations. It helps keep me grounded and to make rational choices not heat in the moment. My other outlet is music and composing it, I feel a sense of freedom, when I write that I don’t feel anywhere else. I feel that by expressing how I feel I can say the words, the conflicts the heart aches that are going on in my life in a constructive manner. I learnt different strategies for anxiety, social anxiety and for low moods I also watch out for triggers or for signs that I might need extra support. My personal warning signs and triggers that I monitor in order for me to realise I am not doing very well and need to seek more intensive support. During that period, I went to counselling more often as my triggers were playing up. Triggers for me that i look for now include, low mood, quietness, anxiety, agitation, but the main two are sleeping for long periods and getting teary. That’s when I know it’s time to contact my multidisciplinary team immediately.

I don’t use the word recovery because it’s not something that necessarily goes away. I know I will have PTSD for the rest of my life even if it is asymptomatic so I always call it my journey with PTSD. I know that there are triggers and times where I am going to have down periods and I have been lucky that I have a fantastic multidisciplinary team in place to take care of me when I need it, and most importantly I know help is a phone call away. This journey is a life long journey but now I have other people on this journey with me- my friends,  and family, and my treatment team. I never realised the effect my mental health conditions had on my siblings until much later on, and the fear that they had that I would never turn 18 or 21. I know the importance of asking for help and I have during difficult times over the years to ensure I’m ok, like tuning a car.

So why am I standing up here today? Well a year ago I wrote an article called “it’s time to start the conversation. “I uploaded onto my LinkedIn and never thought it would have any real effect on anyone. I honestly didn’t think people would read it. But the feedback and response was humbling and caught me completely off guard. I thought by telling my story and revealing my diagnosis, I would be ostracised as I had been in the past, I had been encouraged to keep my diagnosis a secret. But then something incredible happened. 

 People started coming to me and telling me their stories, telling me it made them more aware to check on their co-workers, their friends and those who were not themselves. Mental Illness does not discriminate, a specialist who worked with a lot of my co-workers took his own life. My old roommate in boarding school took her own life, when I was 15.  I am passionate about the importance of an open dialogue with mental health, and every time I turn the news on, and the reports are about another teen or adult who have taken their own lives due to mental illness, bullying – in schools, in workplaces, or in their social environment, those who felt they couldn’t ask for help, those who there was a lack of treatment and victims of trauma, my heart breaks. 

No one in this world should ever feel like they can’t say the three words that I said that saved my life “I need help”. There are people in this room right now feeling alone, feeling like it can’t get better, and I could tell you every cliché, but I’m not going to, because that’s not who I am, all I can say is that its 2019 mental health does not discriminate and please do not ever give up trying to get someone to listen, and if you see someone in trouble… check on them… because you may save a life. Revealing my diagnosis was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but knowing what I know now, and the effect and difference it could have on others, makes it completely worth it. 

My goals now… well unfortunately due to the recent dual-citizenship scandal, I guess becoming prime minister is out. But I want more than anything to never stop, dreaming, never stop achieving, and never stop fighting for those who need someone in their corner. 

beyondblue asked me once the following question:  Is there a book, quote, movie or statement that really resonates with you about your mental health? And my answer is this. I would say in regard to my mental health and about my life. The song, The fighter by Gym Class Heroes or the below quote “I don’t call myself a survivor, I call myself a fighter” And that is what I am, I know that I am always going to have some symptoms and low self-esteem and I am committed to working on them, and I know that my mental health is something I have to take care of like you take care of your physical health. I do not allow myself to give up, and I believe no matter how many times I get down I will always get back up stronger than ever.

Below are a few support numbers if you know more let me know:

Lifeline:                13 11 14

1800 RESPECT:   1800 737 7328

DV Hotline:           1800 811 811

 

 

Dear Past Self – How a Year Changes Your Life.

 

Dear Past Tara,

First please stop leaving stuff to “Future Tara” I don’t appreciate it, at all, Shona’s absolutely right, I am not a fan of you for leaving stuff for me to do. This time next year, you’re going to look in the mirror and you are not going to recognise yourself. You appear more angular and a little harsher around the edges. You will smile at your reflection and your face will soften. While your values have been truly shaken over the last 12 months, and you have changed in so many ways, your still you but you have begun to embrace who you are. However for that to happen…

I am going to have to break some bad news to you.

Your heart is going to ache. Sometimes it will feel like somebody has punched you in the stomach. Other times it will not feel like anything at all. You are going to spend a lot of time wondering which feeling is worse. You’re still undecided.

Friends, Employers, Coworkers and Acquaintances who have not grown into their personality yet will use you as a crutch and the pressure will feel like all of the mountain ranges on earth are resting on your shoulders. You will stay too long. And instead of being rewarded for your loyalty it will be used against you to try and break your spirit.

You will lose two family members this year, one will be sudden and one will be a long time coming but you never thought the day would come. These will break your heart and tear you apart.

People who you thought were good for you will not stay long enough. Friends will disappoint you and many will abandon you when you need them the most. You will question yourself and the things that you do, question every part of who your are, why you incessantly talk too much and laugh too loud. Is it because of the way you dress, who you talk to, what you believe in, your core values? You will decide this is why people do not stay, this is why bad things happen to you and maybe what other people are saying is true.

Nothing, and nobody, is going to cause you more heartache, grief and pain than you will cause yourself. You are going to censor yourself, you are going to try to shrink yourself smaller, you will envy chameleons for the way they so effortlessly blend into their environment. You will at times want to disappear. You will want to be a dandelion dispersing under a child’s hot breath. Red lights and stop signs don’t seem very important to you right now, I know you sometimes don’t look left before you cross the road. You won’t jump. One day you won’t want to be pushed, either. I want you to know this feeling is not permanent.

You will strive for balance and you are going to fight even when you are tired. You have always had fight. You will fight because that is all you know how to do and you will fight even when you are so tired and worn down and alone. Crying in your bedroom, wondering what’s the point, if no one is fighting for you, why are you even fighting for yourself.  Perhaps you feel that somewhere along the way the glimmer dulled, but strength is an integral part of your being and that isn’t as transient as you would think. You are going to be fist in throat on a bathroom floor and there will still be a glow of hope somewhere amongst the sadness and desperation of it all. You will have dark periods, but then like the phoenix it reemerges from its own ashes – reborn, renewed, and very much alive.

You will not give up on yourself completely. You will not give up on the good of others, you will just find it in places and people that were unexpected.

Your turning moment will happen without you realising, when a co-worker in a temporary job your doing can’t fly home for Christmas. So without thinking , you buy their ticket put it in an envelope and write its from everyone and that they are going home. In that moment everyone is floored, but it feels so natural because that’s who you are flaws and all, you like to help others, even to a fault.

You will learn the art of embracing authenticity. You will learn to trust in yourself. You were always trusting of others, but never trusting of yourself. This is going to change. You are going to learn to believe in your strength. One day, alone won’t be synonymous with lonely, you learn that you would rather spend your free time watching Netflix by yourself, then going out with friends who say horrible things about you behind your back, or are not there when you need them.  The universe will respond to your bravery with beautiful people. You will not take them for granted. You will not expect attachment. You will practise appreciation instead of expectation. Your heart is not going to feel as heavy anymore, and you learn to accept that you are imperfect and that is completely ok.

I know you feel a little lost at the moment, I know there are a lot of things about yourself and about your life, that you do not understand right now but you are going to grow and thrive. I am writing this letter with a mind softened by the grief, a soul strengthened by the fights, a heart that is wise from the fallouts and someone who knows that your going to go through a really difficult time. Do not give up. I am writing this letter from a place of you will get to very soon, you just need the darkness to engulf you first. You will become unapologetic for who you are and this makes you thrive both in your private life and in your business life. You’re blonde, but your intelligent, your never going to be a size 8 but with you assets you don’t want to be. Your klutzy, you make mistakes, you have no filter, you stand up for who you are and what you believe in. Your realise that your never going to be perfect, or what others may want you to be but by embracing being you. You open up a world of opportunities. You take risks, some succeed, some fail, you realise you’re a work in progress but more than anything you’re ok with that. You realise your own worth and you become someone you didn’t expect to be. You’re not as naive as you use to be, life has opened your eyes this past year. There’s a day that will come, it will creep up on you slowly, when you realize that you’re not just a survivor, you’re a warrior. You’re tougher than anything life throws your way you always have been and you always will be even when you don’t think so.

I hope that this letter helps you feel safe in the knowledge that you are growing towards this. The view is pretty incredible.

x

Future Tara

Ps. Stop leaving everything for me to do

How the BNE Fire and Ice Gala For Mental Health Awareness was Born

The Stigmatisation of Mental Illness

Mental illness has an impact on all of our lives, if it doesn’t affect us directly then it is someone we love, someone we care for, even someone whom we sit next to at work every day. There has been ongoing media attention in regard to the ongoing stigmatisation of Mental Health, resulting in people not feeling they can ask for support. In a recent AMA study, this has been shown to be prevalent in the Health industry, as a result, those who are suffering feel they are unable to ask for help for fear of reprisal, the risk to their career, and social shame. Studies have found that a person who is stigmatised may be treated differently and excluded from many things the rest of society takes for granted. People with mental illness may also take on board the prejudiced views held by others, which can affect their self-esteem. This can lead them to not seek treatment, to withdraw from society to self-medication with alcohol or drug abuse or even to suicide.

The stigmatisation of mental health is nothing new, but it saddens me that in 2018 this is still an ongoing issue. Mental health doesn’t discriminate, it affects people at every age, social demographic and stage in life. I wrote an article last June about the importance of us having a conversation about mental health because no one should ever feel they can’t ask for help. The response was incredible, with people telling me their stories from all walks of life. A group of us were talking one-night, medical practitioners, specialists, practice managers and administration staff about how people can’t ask for help because of the stigma that comes along with it. After a lot of discussions, we felt that instead of ribbons and marches we needed to start the conversation by throwing an inaugural gala in conjunction with Darling and Co, to help build a movement of humanising mental health, one heartfelt story at a time. All the proceeds from the event will be donated to Beyond Blue to fund mental health and stigmatisation programs. A collaboration of specialists, medical professionals and medical administrators have come together to shed light on a very important issue that is close to all the organiser’s hearts.

Why I am honoured to be Gala Chair for the BNE Fire and Ice Gala and why am I so passionate about this?

If you saw me walking down the street, socialised with me at a function or even are a friend of mine there is a 90 percent chance that you won’t know the answer to this. I am hardworking, very social, career focussed, I have good friends and family, I dress well, I am articulate and never miss a day of work. Those who know me would say that I am empathic, caring and a supportive person, who always remains calm and level-headed under pressure.

However, I also was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and major depression over 10 years ago, and after incidences where I was discriminated against due to this, I did everything I possibly could to hide it.

I have firsthand knowledge why people don’t ask for help because of fear of stigmatisation which I face it to this day due to unreasonable stereotypes. I hid my history until last year until I realised that if I wanted something to change, I needed to be able to be open about my experience. Prior to getting help and admitting I needed support, it was the darkest times and period in my life. I never imagined my future, I never dared to dream it would get easier, I had accepted that it was my reality until I realised I either needed help or I wouldn’t make it to 21. When I actively participated in treatment, through therapeutic, pharmaceutical intervention and family support, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I could pull myself together and get my life on track to the point where I have been discharged from therapy, able to not only complete but continue my studies, pushing myself to learn more and being deemed asymptomatic. Have I gone back to the support system for help when required? Absolutely, and the reason I am here today is that I asked for help. I don’t call myself a victim, or a survivor as far as I am concerned I am a mother f*cking fighter. So, when I was asked to run the Gala as the Gala Chair I didn’t hesitate for a second, I knew it was going to be long hours, and stressful and hard, but this stigmatisation of mental illness must end, and I am passionate that no one should feel that he or she cannot ask for help. I am now a speaker for beyond blue and for private workshops engaging to make a change, because if I get through to one person then I have made a difference.

So why a Fire and Ice Gala?

Fire and Ice at the end of the day are the two most basic, beautiful, unpredictable and wildest elements of nature, just like life. No one knows what’s going to occur, next and sometimes that makes everything extremely difficult. We wanted a theme that represented the coldness and loneliness that some mental health sufferers feel, where they feel they can’t ask for help (ICE). But also, the passion, the intrigue the endless possibilities that life has to offer (FIRE).

We wanted a theme that starts the conversation, with the goal that one day there will not be a stigmatisation, that those in the coldness, can ask for help to come back to the light.

We wanted to throw an event that would be different. We are raising awareness and funds, but we also wanted to make it a night to be a night to be remembered. We have been fortunate to be able to throw this event at Darling and Co, featuring our celebrity MC from The Bachelor, Musical acts, Dancers, Fire Twirlers, Silent and Live Auctions and price of the ticket includes Admission, food and alcohol for the night. We want it to be a fun night while raising money for a cause close to our hearts. And that is how the BNE Fire and Ice gala was born.

If you would like to buy tickets to our event or if you want further information: please visit https://www.bnefireandicegala2018.com/

It’s only after you step out of your comfort zone you begin to change, grow and transform

2017, will forever be known to me as “2000 and are you f*cking serious”, anything that could happen or go wrong occurred. I started this year in one place in life, and I leave it in a completely different place in life. I started the year with job security, being complacent, over-achieving in a job I was too qualified to do, but no one noticed. Through a year that included breaches of privacy, heartache, redundancy, deaths, darkness, isolation, fear, growth, new starts, failure, success, hurt, deceit, rejection, goodbyes, hello’s, taking chances, laughs, pranks and changes. I would be lying if I didn’t say this wasn’t the year just kept gut punching me at times. But it was also the year that reminded me that I was the girl who never stayed down. Who when life knocked her down, would get up dust herself off and left life know it hit like a wuss.

 

I became petrified that I would lose the core value system that makes up who I am, my integrity, my passion, my strength, my ability to have faith in others, my faith in humanity and the good in others. And due to those who know who they are, those who I may not say it to enough, those who don’t even know I know what they did for me. You all made this year the year I grew the most. I started a company, I got back up on my feet and at times I get knocked back down. But none of you would allow me to give up, to back down, and owning a company now 4 months and having achieved all that I have thus far. I am forever in your debts, even if its just the pranks or the laughs. 2017 taught me in the words of Aerosmith “you got to lose to know how to win”.

So I walk away from 2017, weary, battle-worn, a year older, but a lot wiser. I finish this year on my terms, my way and as someone who I’m happy to live with. On Sunday night I will be with my friends, those who have been there through the good and the bad, through thick and thin, saying goodbye to one of the longest years on record, and welcoming the experiences that are to come.

But with every year there is lessons that you learn, and while I hope I keep learning until the day until I die, these are the 5 lessons I learnt in 2017 that have helped me not only in life but in business and my professional life.

1. Never be bullied into silence, Speak your truth even when your voice is Shaking.

Do I look back at my year and think, if I had just kept my mouth shut, or done things differently everything would be different? Ofcause, I do I am human, when you hurt me I bleed. But would I want to change my reactions or decisions, not a chance and that is for two reasons. The First is that hindsight is 20-20 you can only react with the information that you have at the time. Secondly and more importantly, if I had done it any differently I wouldn’t be me and I wouldn’t be able to walk out of this year with my head held high.

People are always going to try to tear you down, and bully you into silence. Whether it’s at work, home, out and about. But that is a reflection on who they are, not on you. If someone has to tear you down, to make them feel better about themselves, you shouldn’t feel angry at them, you should feel sorry for them. Which is what I do, I walk out of this year realising that for someone to do that, its not a reflection on who you are, its a reflection on them and their insecurities.

2. Your real friends are those who never allow you to give up.

Everyone wants to be your friend during the good times, trust me for my 30th Birthday in June, we filled a boat and was concerned about being over capacity. But what you got to remember is that work friends are like everyday friends, and friends sometimes screw you over, and there will be those that will sell you out to benefit themselves. But in the end they give up something else in the process, which money cannot buy back and that is integrity. The gut punches and stab wounds from those who did that to me through all aspects of my life are still healing but I have a renewed faith in friendship.

I may not have the friends I started the year with, but I have the friends that I am proud to call my support system. They include the unexpected work friends who had my back, even when I didn’t know it. The friends who stood up for me, or even gave me my first laugh on the hardest of days.

3. Work/life balance is paramount.

This is something I learnt at the highest cost, with the work ethic I had, the hours I pulled and the lack of gratitude or respect I received I realised starting a company this was something I had to change. I missed out on events, walked out of wedding receptions even, to make sure that I was at work. Countless people were effected by me putting my job first and when I was made redundant I had to go back and figure out how to do it differently. Because I put in all that effort and for no reward, no thank you, no gratitude, so when I returned I made sure that I made my life a priority. The things I enjoyed had to start happening again. Composing music, writing, shopping, talking to my friends, boxing (which FYI is the worlds greatest stress release in my view), long baths, swimming, working out and even just stopping for a moment to enjoy the moment your in, ie riding a mechanical bull even though you know you are terrible at it to say you have.

4. Having fun at work isn’t a crime, you spend half your life there.

I was lucky enough to have some wonderful memories of this year working, throughout the year. Inside jokes which includes – the badger, North Korea, Syria, ENT Embassy, Sesame Street and the week of ringtones just to name a few. In 2017 I remembered why I believed life was supposed to be fun, both at work and at home. Yes there are always difficult times, and stress, but in spite of that, you got to have the fun moments.

In a year where I had to say goodbye twice to family members and had numerous family members in hospital. In a year where every aspect of my life, my work life, my business life and my personal life got turned upside down. Through the pain, the tears, the long hours, the rumours, the drama, the betrayals and the darkness I am choosing to remember the parts of work which were fun in 2017. And rather then get anyone into trouble I feel this picture collage says a 1000 words about the fun that is 2017 at work.

Studies have found that you spend the majority of your life at work, so in 2018 and beyond I’m going to endeavour to keep on remembering to always have the fun moments.

5. Like the phoenix that rises from the ashes, the only person at the end of the day that can make you get back up is you.

boxing

Regardless of the support that you have, and the people that care about you. No matter how smart, educated or kind you are. The only person who can make you get back up and dust yourself off and give you that drive that you have, that passion to never give up. Those around you can guide you and they can give you counsel but unless your ready to hear it, read to grow from it. Ready to get off your ass, put in the hard work and fight back for who you are and what you believe in, you won’t get back up. I thankfully learnt this lesson with the love and support of a lot of people I didn’t expect and because of that as the director of a company going into 2018 I believe it will help me be a better employer, business owner, friend and person.

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I feel like that I was not a country girl in another life if my mechanical bull riding skills have anything to say about it #johnnyringo #mechanicalbull #majorfail #yaybooze #mighthurttomorrowwhocares #saturdaynight #fallonmyass

A post shared by Tara Claire (@taraclaire1987) on Sep 23, 2017 at 8:09am PDT

 

So 2017, you were the year that there were countless ups and downs, the year that at times I wanted to just throw in the towel. But your also the year that brought me the most growth as a person. As the owner of a company, flying interstate soon to commence the expansion of my vision, 2017 you may have kicked me down, but you also were the year to give me the kick in the ass to realise, the only person I have to explain myself to is me and that I don’t ever want to be the person who ever again rests on her laurels. You only get one life, you got to live it, make mistakes, fall down, scream, shout, have fun and most of all remember you’re not alone.

2017 Thanks for the memories!

Never apologize​ for standing up for your integrity

 

At 30 years old, people expect us to have it all figured out, our life plans, our goals, our futures. As a Millennial, I think that’s what we are called, at 30 years old and I suspect for the rest of our lives, life is going to keep throwing us these curve balls. This year alone I could more likely write a book on… but alas that is for another day.

I am a firm believer that in life, at least speaking for myself, no matter what life throws at you, the most important thing you have to keep is your integrity. No, your integrity isn’t going to buy you dinner, or cuddle you at night, or pay your wages and mortgage. But for me, my integrity is the one thing I own that is not for sale. Has it been tested in 2017, in business and in life? Heck yeah!

Have there been times where I have thought you know what, why do the right thing, the mature thing, the moralistic thing when no one else is? And then I ask myself questions, if I didn’t have integrity, would my life today be very different to what it is? Not a doubt in my mind yes.

Would I have job security, if I accepted any of the positions offered to me over the last few months instead of deciding to start my own company, knowing that I wouldn’t stay long term because I wouldn’t have enjoyed or thrived in the position and would have bailed when a better offer came? I couldn’t, I knew it wasn’t fair to the employers who were taking a chance on me, and when I told them that to my surprise they were impressed. Instead, I’ve started my own company which I can tell you right now is a rollercoaster, but one I know I am doing my way and that I am running it with integrity and passion.

To those friends who I had tried to help repeatedly in the past no questions asked, who in the words of Shakespeare decided to go all Cesar and “Et Tu, Brute?” me for their own personal gain in business and in my private life. Would it have been easier for me to go F*ck integrity and in the words of my girl Adele “lay all their sh*t bare”? Without question, but I realized if I did that I would be no better then them and that they would be taking something more then what they had already done, take my integrity.

It was a hard lesson to learn but one of the best ones I’ve learnt is that it’s not my job to stop others talking about me behind my back, but it is my job to not let it affect me. Because those that know me, they know the truth and they are the ones who matter. But also as I said to my mother one night in August, “I don’t one day want to have a child and not be able to tell them that their mum, never stopped fighting for others and never sold out her integrity”. In the words of Taylor Swift sometimes, you just got to Shake it off.

 

But more important to me than anything else I have always believed in achieving my goals through hard work, dedication, integrity and never apologizing for who I am while doing it. My work ethic speaks for itself, the dedication my true friends show me speaks for itself and the family I have, who always have each other’s back speaks for itself.

The best example was last night, I lost my grandfather on Wednesday and I wanted to continue with my weekend plans of going out, my friends, however, realized that would be a horrendous idea so brought the alcohol, the food to me, jumped in the jacuzzi and just hung out with me. This was a showing of their integrity that they gave up their Saturday night, to check on their friend rather than going out as planned.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BbWxieEB5vP/

 

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My mates know me too well when it comes to cheering me up #booze #champagne #cruisers #saturdaynight #mygirls #whatineeded

A post shared by Tara Claire (@taraclaire1987) on Nov 11, 2017 at 4:23am PST

I am a firm believer that while diamonds are a girl’s best friend (let’s be honest we all know my love for the Tiffany and co), my integrity cannot be bought, and I will never apologize for having it. I believe no one has the right to bully another person or make them feel bad about themselves. However, I also feel these people should be pitied, because you have to be pretty insecure about yourself to tear someone down, to make yourself feel better. In any aspect of life, so for me if you are someone who does this maybe the question is why?

Are their days that I want to scream I want to shout… I want to get all Darth Vader in the world… absolutely. But I’ve gotten to 30 with my integrity intact and not making any apologies for being me… let’s see if I can make it to 40. Because more important then anything else, if there’s anything I’ve learned so far this year, you only live once, have fun its the little moments you will remember.